The Different Stages of Grief
Quick answer
The commonly cited stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — describe feelings many people experience, but they're not a fixed sequence everyone moves through in order. Most people experience some stages more than others, revisit ones they thought were behind them, or skip some entirely.
The commonly cited stages
Originally developed to describe the experience of dying rather than bereavement, these stages have become a widely used shorthand for grief generally: denial (difficulty accepting the loss), anger, bargaining (wondering "what if"), depression, and acceptance. They can be useful as a description of possible feelings, but not as a prescribed roadmap.
Why it's not linear
In practice, grief tends to move in waves rather than a straight line through these stages. Someone might feel a version of acceptance, then be pulled back into anger or sadness around an anniversary or a small reminder. That's not a setback — it's simply how grief tends to actually unfold for most people.
Practical tips
- Use the stages as a description, not a checklist. You don't need to experience all of them, in order, to be "grieving properly."
- Expect waves, not a straight line. A hard day after a good stretch doesn't undo progress.
- Talk to a grief counsellor if you feel stuck in one particular stage for a long time.
- Be patient with unexpected returns of anger or sadness, even long after a loss.
Common mistakes to avoid
- Expecting the stages in a fixed order. They rarely occur that way in practice.
- Judging yourself for "regressing" to an earlier stage. It's a normal part of the process.
- Assuming reaching "acceptance" means grief is finished. It usually changes shape rather than ending entirely.
FAQs
Do the five stages of grief happen in a specific order?
Is it normal to skip some stages of grief entirely?
Can you go back to an earlier stage after reaching acceptance?
How long do the stages of grief usually last?
Conclusion
The stages of grief are a helpful description of common feelings, not a checklist to complete. Your own path through grief is valid, whatever shape it takes.
Related articles
Dealing With Special Occasions After Loss
Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries can be some of the hardest days after loss.
Learning to Enjoy Life Again
Learning to enjoy life again after loss is a gradual process, not a single decision.